There's a first for everything.

Ah, the first post of probably my second online journal thingy. I figure this one will be easier to track seeing as its right through my google email! I'm on my last week here in Wisconsin. I leave on Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 and have yet to pack a damn thing. I'm putting it off and I'm completely aware of it. I feel like there's so many more important things to be doing, people to be giving final hugs to, friends to have a last great time with, and lots of laughter to be done. So ah, we'll give it another couple of days til I pay complete attention to the fact that I'm moving my entire life to Denver. Whoop whoop!

I couldn't be more excited to leave and see what comes my way. I know I've been excited like this in the past, but it's just different. I like growing up. I hate responsiblities. But it all works out in the end I've discovered. I know there are going to be bad things that happen but have no fear that the good will out weigh them.

I've struck one wall when it comes to moving. My grandma Betty was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. If anyone knows me well enough, they'll know that the c-word (no, not THAT word, get your mind out of the gutter) is really hard for me to handle. Being so close to my great-grandma Mayme (my grandma Betty's mom) and having her pass from cancer when I was in 6th or 7th grade was very difficult for me. I find now that I hardly knew a damn thing about the disease and what entirely did. All I knew was that she lost her hair, did treatments called 'chemo', was sick, and a completely strong and hopeful woman. I just can't believe this has happened to her. She is someone I look at and think "you are indestructible!". Nothing could ever take that woman away from her family, her restaurant, her many many grandchildren, and her life overall. But the monster has attacked her. We went to dinner tonight at the Dorf Haus and sat with a couple aunts and uncles as well as my grandparents. Everyone still laughs and shares stories as they should. And I know we're all worried and trying not to show it, but as I was sitting there all I could think was "this cannot be happening, what do we say, what do we do, how do we feel?!". There is absolutely no way to describe the way we feel. Our whole town plus many others know my grandparents for their legendary restaurant they created 50 years ago. It was hard seeing people approach her, hugging her, telling her they're sorry or that they're praying for her. It's just simply not fair. I thought growing up would help me get over that thought, but its not and I know it won't. She looks so tired and so worn already. I am at relief that I won't be around to see her go through chemo. I definitely couldn't handle that. It was hard enough saying hello to her tonight. I held back the tears so good. And as I write this, I just let them go. It makes me feel like I can breathe better. All I can do is hope. Think positive. Live for her. Love always. Because I know that's what keeps her going and even if this monster inside of her is trying to steal her life away before her eyes, we all have her back. Through thick and thin.

Well, I'm going to end this one on the fact that I'm a bit sleepy. I have lots of visiting to do the rest of the week and yeah...packing too. BOO! See ya on das flip sidddeee.