growth.

sometimes i feel (and know) that we all must go through things in order to grow.
i have come to understand that we must leave the people we love the most to discover new people and places in life. the sacrifices we must make aren't always what we would like to give up.

looking back to the past is so meaningful to me. there are times in which i regret, i laugh, i realize how lucky i am, and how damn...life was good whether or not i knew it!
what i love best is knowing that times get extremely rough and there are mountains we cannot climb, but all along we have these amazing people holding our hands and guiding us along the way. they are also there when we discover that our goal has been unaccomplished or when we have hit a road block. they are the people that are there in the most unnecessary times of worry. they are the people that bring you up when times are at extreme lows, and the ones to bring you back to reality.
they are our heroes. they are our loves. they are our support. they are our moms. they are our dads. and out of anything, they are our friends.

photographs and still frames are our constant reminders of the times we have spent with our heroes. the documentation of ridiculous moments forever completes our reminders of the past. they say to live life in the present, to dream for the future, and not dwell on the past. there are certain times in which dwelling is needed, but most of all the times where reflecting on the past is the only thing that can heal us. there are so many occasions in which we take life for granted. we shrug off all of the good times we have spent just thinking about all the things that complicate and pollute our lives. if only we could take a moment in the day to quickly filter out the negative, have our mind flash back a picture of a time that meant so much to us, and to rekindle our mood in that moment.

i am extremely lucky and grateful for the people that have came into my life. i believe there is a reason and a lesson to each person that enters into our lives. i have taken a piece of everyone and applied it to myself, whether its a belief, a desire, passion, talent, motive, dream, and even flaw. each person has influenced my life at one point or other.

to learn that we are who we are for a reason. there is a reason why we have become who we are today, who we were in the past, and who we many become in the future. acceptance of ourselves is the key to life, the key to survival. if there is something you don't like about yourself, your situation, your life, CHANGE IT. we all have the power to change anything with a little helper called confidence. you can get through it. it is just another mountain we encounter to be challenged yet again.

this colorado move has been proof of growth, survival, and determination. i cannot begin to stress the amount of gratitude for the things i have encountered here. for the people i miss dearly back home. the realization that each one of you there are on a different path than mine has helped me accept the fact that we may not be able to live these months together. we may not be able to communicate as often as we'd like. but that our similarity is that we all have goals. we all have places we see ourselves in the future. my future is unknown. my future is full of dreams and aspirations. i will always have you apart of me. i carry you all in my heart. and each heartbeat i share with you. i miss you more than you know or realize. but there are always jet plane rides to solve all of our problems. and mountains worth discovering together.



i cannot dwell enough on how we should constantly
LIVE FOR THE MOMENT
appreciate every day. let others in. walk to the beat of your own drum.
let your heroes inspire something deep within you.
LOVE CONSISTENTLY!

i think i might

be turning into a really bitter person.
you piss me off, im bitter.
hmm.
this isn't usually how i roll.


HEY. its christmas eve, 11:22 p.m. at the moment.
my favorite numbers. not eleven, but 1+1=2 and 22! woooo
im in my room, alone. like i have been for the past four hours because megan decided to become crabby and hang out with joe all night.
awesome.

ive got a 1.5 liter of wine that i WILL finish. AND! no one will blame me for being a "wandering, out of control, alcoholic, drunk."
FUCK YOU. :)

im talking to my friend lauren (butts) from work.
i love that fucking girl.
aweee shheeiitttt.
this whole post is going to be random. i cant wait to read it down the road. it will be wonderful.


"i am..the luckiest. next door, there's an old man who lived to his 90's and passed away in his sleep. and his wife she stayed for a couple of days and passed away.."
ah. shuffle. gotta love it. especially when its all chill songs.
i wish i had my hookah.

poop.
i am the luckiest though. i love my friends. when i go to take a drink, i have to look up and i see the picture of them all on my wall. i drink proudly knowing that they all love me as much as i do.
thats god damn special.

the bottom of my feet look like a god damn old man. i need a pedicure.

i love old people.


i think im done with this

sometimes

i feel so alive.
im so relaxed at the moment, playing the maine because i know how much amanda and carly loved them this summer and how i wouldn't try too hard to get into them.
makes me sad though.
I MISS YOU ALL. so much.
this week of christmas ive been so off and on with emotions.
either i want to be home for christmas, sometimes i dont really mind at all.
sometimes i want to have plans for all my days off, sometimes i don't.
i know that i don't want to spend money that i should be saving for when i go home next week.
on the brighter side, yesterday i worked my butt off then got:
my hair done blonnndddeeeee
a FREE $350 snowboard.
and made like $40 in tips.

it was a nice day.
today i made half of that in tips. disappointing. people SUCK at tipping.
i say 'happy holidays' for a REASON you fools!

i.cannot.wait.to.return.home.

im hoping it will be more than im expecting. so great.


happy god damn christmakah.

home is where the heart is

never trust the people you think you can.
never under estimate the power of your talent.
never settle for less.
always give more.
always love.
always paint that picture in your mind.

EVERYTHING, ALWAYS IN TIME, WILL COME.

swim

when things get rough, i tend to notice i blog more often.
i just finished watching "Dear Jack", an emotional journey through Andrew McMahon's battle with Leukemia. it was so awakening. i've never really seen exactly what people go through when they have chemo treatments and such, so it was interesting to see that. i cried a lot. i hope my grandma isn't going through that pain, although i very well that she is. and i also hope that she has the courage andrew had going through his disease. he was determined to win, and he did.

i just ate 3 pieces of bacon and a cupcake.
i hate the smell of bacon in a house if its not breakfast.
and i even hate when it lingers in the air.

i feel like i should throw up now because i feel bad about it. should i take that as some kind of sign?
ah im so fucked up. i want to get over this "hump" of sadness and feel good about things.
i feel like i completely lack confidence.

and work isn't helping me at all. the front desk girls are bitches. thats right you heard, you are BITCHES. so stop looking at me like i dont know what im talking about and realize that i probably know more than you do.

ok done with this one.

how lucky you are...

ah how i love the girls i work with (some of them)
ah how i like discovering what i do/don't like about the place i work
ah how i like that that helps me make my decision to stay.

therefore, i should make a list:

pros:
-advanced education
-opportunity to become a trainer
-remaining comfortable with my surroundings
-clientele
-aveda

cons:
-people i don't desire to work with on the academy side of the salon
-surrounding myself with a knack of negativity (whether or not anyone else agrees on that issue)
-what will i think once i've been working there?
-people holding me back from my dreams
-not just going for it
-no change


and bah, i will come back. i think i need to download some music.

holy hell!

its been a while!
i am now on the floor cutting hair at the Academy. Loving it, loving meeting people and work on my schtuff.

getting tips now is helping me survive WAY more and im really thankful for them!
i think im finally starting to put ideas together and decide what i want out of everything, im just not sure where the hell i want to be!

im usually never home and dont really have time for anything. on monday's i usually get a lot done or i just lay around and enjoy the day.

i miss my friends realllllll bad! a trip home to wisconsin is calling my name, i can sense it more and more everyday.
AHHH!